I’ll admit this is a little pretentious of me.  Typically, people don’t start laying out their life lessons until they’re at least getting AARP letters.

But it would also be a little ignorant of me to just ignore what I have learned in an overly eventful 34 years.  That’s right, overly eventful.  No, this is not the first trauma in my life.  And it will not be the last.  And I’m sorry to say that I’ve seen more sides to more people, including myself, than many will ever have to endure.

I will admit this to you first:  This is NEVER where I anticipated my path going.  This was never in any of my childhood, teenage, or even adult predictions of where I would be at 33.  No one dreams this will happen to them.  Particularly not a girl with such a perfectly happy marriage.

On the other hand, I never anticipated the rest of life’s up’s and down’s either.  I never anticipated meeting a man as saintly as Chris Wall.  I never anticipated being named Teacher of the Year.  I never anticipated seeing so much of the world.  I never anticipated actually wanting to learn to shoot a handgun.  I never anticipated cancer hitting so close to home.  I never anticipated that all of our friends wouldn’t grow old together.  I never anticipated my blended family ever being this close.  I never anticipated liking breadsticks made out of cauliflower.  Never.

So at this unanticipated but can’t-turn-back-now 34th birthday of mine, here is an abbreviated version of what I have learned.  I could add more lessons, but that seems a bit too pretentious.

38 Life Lessons in 34 Years

1.)  Sometimes the f-word is, in fact, the most appropriate word.

2.)  If you’re one of the few people in the world who were taught the value of good manners, you’re privileged.

3.)  It might be more efficient to call or send a text, but a phone call or visit is still infinitely better.  And when it comes to customer service, personal contact can actually save you money.

 

4.)  People are not projects.

5.)  Last night’s regrets should never last longer than this morning’s hangover.

6.)  You can never call yourself old.  You’re as young as you’ll ever be right now, in this moment.

7.)  Dogs don’t always want to go on walks solely for their own benefit.

8.)  Kissing the Blarney Stone involves being hung upside down from your feet, doing an awkward crunch to put your mouth in the same place as thousands of other mouths have been, and walking away with the exact same amount of luck as you had before.  This is why it’s important to understand the difference between being a tourist and a traveler.

9.)  A lot of problems can be solved by simply setting boundaries, and then communicating them.

10.)  The more you talk, the less you’re heard.

11.)  When your parents give you advice, they’re not telling you from something they read somewhere.  They’re telling you from experience.  And it’s always true in the end.

12.)  It’s okay to cancel plans.  Just don’t cancel on the good people too often.  Eventually, they will stop calling.

13.)  Everyone goes through their own struggles.  Everyone suffers from their own personal poisons.  Everyone has demons.

14.)  Like folding a fitted sheet, there is no right or wrong way to do your life.  The only difference is knowing you have to deal with the wrinkles you make.

15.)  If you’re going to skimp on something at your wedding, never let it be the photographer.

16.)  Jesus saves.  But your day-to-day decisions are all on you.

17.)  I learned very little in my K-12 education that prepared me for college.  I learned very little in my college education that prepared me for life.  I learned the most from experience, and the second most from having good mentors.

18.)  Bad people attract other bad people.  Good people attract other good people.  If you don’t like the people around you, you don’t have a problem with your friends.  You have a problem with you.

19.)  Never hug other women’s husbands front to front.

20.) You have absolutely no control over other adults and their decisions.  No control in the least.  At best, you have influence.  But please see #29 before you start spraying advice around.

21.)  Some people are made to do dirty jobs.  I’m not one of those people.  But they are needed, and under-appreciated.

22.)  Teaching is by far the hardest job I will ever, ever, ever do.

 

 

23.)  No career will ever be more valuable than time with your family.

24.)  The secret to a successful marriage typically boils down to perseverance.

25.)  Laughter really is the best medicine.  But sometimes, crying is too.

26.)  When apologizing, be sure of two things:  (1) be the first to do it, and (2) the best apology is changed behavior.

27.)   If you don’t want phrases like “Keep on truckin'” to be associated with you for all of eternity, then always prepare a speech – no matter how unlikely you are to win the award.

28.)  For Men:  No matter how hard we fight it, a woman will always see herself based on the words you choose.

29.)  Telling someone else how to live their life is a lot like telling someone else how to build their house that you’re never going to live in.

30.)  Life is too short to pay attention to portion size.  But it’s also too fragile not to.  The key is to pay attention to portions more often than you ignore them.

31.)  If you want to be happy, lower your expectations.  Most unhappy people are that way because their expectations are too high…or just unrealistic.

32.)  After drink #2, lock away all electronic devices.  And if your excuse is, “Yes, but if I’m ever on the witness stand for this…”, just go ahead and Uber home now.

33.)  It takes more strength to keep your mouth shut than it does to open it.

34.)  Don’t measure yourself by other people’s yardsticks.

35.)  We put a lot of stock in intelligence.  In reality, emotional intelligence is much more valuable than intellectual intelligence.

36.)  Others are going to judge you for many things, including if you haven’t had kids by the time you’re 33.  That is not your problem.

37.)  Even the people you love the most will disappoint you.  But you have no control over other adults’ decisions (see #20).  Pay more attention to whether you’re disappointing yourself.

38.) You are a combination of the 5 people you spend the most time with.  Choose wisely.