I had my first dream about Chris a few nights ago.  I dreamed he was actually alive.  He just walked up to me, on a boat dock.  We discussed what had happened so far, while he was gone, and what we should do now, that he was “back”.  It was so real and intense that I even remember thinking, “Please don’t let this be a dream.”  It had a pretty clear message in the end for me, which I will not share here.  But I will say, to everyone’s relief, I woke up more rested than I had in days.  And so I went on with my day, co-facilitating an 8:00am workshop at a state-wide conference.  You never would have known…

He would have been 35 on Friday, March 31.  I imagine to celebrate, we would have gone to dinner with friends or family.  He would have found some gadget that he wanted for his birthday, and simply saved me the trouble by buying it himself – from Amazon, of course.  Or Best Buy if it was a better deal.  We probably would have watched a movie.  He might have taken the whole day off.  He would spend some time in the yard, rethinking some landscaping or plants, and started his annual “yard improvement project” for the spring.  We would be finalizing plans for our next trip, and discussing whether it was time for Finley to have a playmate…again.

If he were here, I can imagine every detail of what the days around his birthday would be like.  I never imagined that he wouldn’t be here to see his 35th year begin.  There are moments when it’s still surreal – when I still have to remind myself that he’s not here.

And Friday will be difficult, just like most days.

But it’s not worth it to just sit in the difficult moments.  It’s not worth it to simply sit and do nothing with that pain.  For me, that does not help the pain pass.  It does not help the wound heal.  It does not help my mind and emotions and health.

What helps is doing something with that pain – something productive.

So, if you feel so inclined, and want to honor Chris in some way on what would have been his 35th birthday, here are a few ideas to get you started.

1.)  Call a relative, just to talk, and touch base, and see how they’re doing.

2.)  Invite a friend to lunch and pick up the tab.

3.)  Go buy a scratch-off ticket.

4.)  Open up a college fund for a child, nephew, niece, etc.  Contribute to it.

5.)  Enjoy a Diet Mountain Dew.

6.)  Re-evaluate your life insurance.  Ask your financial advisor if you’ve planned enough.

7.)  Have ham sandwiches for dinner.

8.)  Have a movie night with your family in your pajamas.  Get the popcorn with extra butter.  And maybe some Hot Tamales.

9.)  Go on a bike ride down the Neuse River Trail.

10.)  Play tag with your dog around the house.  Don’t worry… the hardwoods can be replaced.

11.)  Grab a glove and play catch with your kids.

12.)  Order something from Amazon Prime Now.  Relish in the to-your-door delivery.

13.)  Call a friend or mentee just to give them a word of encouragement.

14.)  Do a little research on a topic in the news.  Get your facts straight, so that when it’s time to act, vote, etc. you’re informed by facts, rather than media and opinions.

15.)  Ask your spouse’s opinion on something – no matter how trivial.

16.)  Eat at El Senor in Knightdale.

17.)  Grab a snack at Taco Bell.

18.)  Buy a package of Nestle Tollhouse chocolate chip cookies.  Bake them that night.  Eat the whole plate in one sitting, while they’re still hot from the oven.

19.)  Lead your family in a prayer, whether to bless dinner or to pray for a specific friend or need.  Or just to give thanks.

20.)  Cut on Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Contemporary Christian radio, Jason Aldean, or old Tim McGraw, and tackle a project around the house before your spouse gets home.

21.)  Do your taxes.

22.)  Cut the grass, and savor the smell.

23.)  Read a great book.  Even better – grab a classic, or a book to build your personal knowledge on a topic of interest.

24.)  Have more patience with someone than others probably would in that same scenario.

25.)  If you’re in debt, create a plan for a “debt snowball”, so that you can tackle and eventually get out of that debt.

26.)  Give someone a really great side-hug.

Please don’t feel limited by this list.  I’m sure there are things that others would think of, too.  These just come to mind for me first, when I think of how Chris lived.

And if you feel so inclined to share what you’re doing Friday, I encourage to share on his Facebook page.  Or just text me, if you feel that’s more appropriate.  I only ask that you not be afraid to talk about him.  To share.  To remember.  To laugh.  Chris was too important to be someone no one speaks of anymore.  Honestly, that’s a good way to NOT honor him, and the role model for all of us he was.  Because if there’s one thing he definitely modeled for us, it was talking.  About everything.  So let’s not be afraid to talk about him, too.

As for me, well, I’ll probably be on the beach Friday.  Watching the waves.  Maybe reading (his favorite hobby, always room for improvement, etc.).  But really…letting the salt air soothe my salty tears.  Because salt heals all wounds…

There will be bigger things in the future.  But for now, shouldn’t we all just learn from his life of love?  Shouldn’t we all just love others a little more, like he did, to the point that they feel loved?  Learn from his life of talking it out?  Won’t that make a bigger difference, in the end?

At the very least, it’s a great way to honor such a wonderful heart of a man…

Happy Birthday, Chris.