I was 18 when I met Chris.  Fresh out of high school, green as I could be, and learning how to transition from Small Town, NC to campus life at UNC.  That was the last time I was “single” – a few short months of my freshman year of college.

The last time I was “finding myself”, I was barely old enough to vote, couldn’t legally drink a beer, and didn’t have a car at my beckon call.  Last time I was “discovering Katie”, I’d never had a job.  Last time I was “figuring myself out”, I’d never paid a bill, been financially responsible, or even had any real experiences “adulting”.  I was still naive enough to believe that I’d always be a size 6 (or smaller).

So today, as I “rediscover”, “re-create”, and “redefine” Katie, I find myself going back to that time.  Because most of the pieces of myself that evolved from that time evolved with Chris.  I grew into myself, but as a couple with him.  The “me-ness” was more like “us-ness”.  There isn’t anything wrong with this.  But it does make for some additional needs to focus on “me-ness”, defining myself in my individuality, rather than my duality with someone else.

It’s tricky.  I’ve made it an adventure, of course.  But because of that, I tend to reflect back on that younger version of myself.  I reflect back on who I wanted to be, what I wanted to accomplish back then, and what defined me then.  Not attempting to go back to that time and pretend the last 15 years never happened.  But rather, returning to my initial values and what defined me at my core.  In essence, taking it back to my roots.  (*internally humming Garth*)

Not long ago, I came back across the following.  It’s a letter of advice written to me from my dad, thanks to my 12th grade English teacher and some homework assigned to parents.  It’s still to this day one of my most cherished possessions.

After re-reading it – through some fresh tears – I realized going back to my roots wasn’t such a bad idea.  My dad had some pretty great advice for me back then.  Good enough that I think it still applies today.  I’ve reflected on it a lot recently as I re-work my place in the world, and feel confident in who I am as just myself.  Maybe you’ll find some value in it too.

February 7, 2001

Dear Katie,

Today you are 17.  Very soon you’ll be 18, and considered an adult by most facets of society.  In some ways, you’ve been an adult for years.  You have assumed responsibilities for your actions and met the challenges life has presented you with a sense of confidence that has allowed you to be very successful.  In other ways, you’ll always be my little girl.

In three months, my little girl will graduate from high school.  In August you’ll be off to college to enjoy one of the greatest adventures of your life.  You’ll have more freedom than you can imagine.  You’ll be in charge of your life.  You’ll decide when to get up, when to clean your room, when to go to class, when to eat, who to talk to, how much to study, if at all, and when.  You’ll be exposed to people from all over the world with varying educational, religious, and ethnic backgrounds.  You’ll hear more lies, see more drunks, and be exposed to more foolish people and actions than ever before in your life.  Enjoy it all!!!  Learn from it.  Experience some of it.  Grow to appreciate life to the fullest.  Observe other people and their individual lives.  Watch the sun shine but smell the vomit.  Find your passions.  Take a chance.  Remember your grandmother – call her.  Dreams are the only thing you haven’t accomplished yet – work toward them.  Cherish your friendships – new and old.  Focus on positive results.  Overcome your fears.  Not all rules are good – break some.  Exercise your body and your mind.  The truth is always the best answer.  Read anything that interests you.  Be a good example.  Know that you are loved – home is only a phone call away.  Continue to lock your car.  Look both ways when crossing one-way streets.  Read something that doesn’t interest you.  Dance.  Call your mother often.  Brush your teeth.  Laugh when you’re happy.  Don’t come too early or stay too late.  Be true to yourself.  Always do your best.  Trust in your gut feelings.  Help someone out every day.  Change your sheets.  Smile.  Leave your watch at home sometimes.  Appreciate opportunity – use it wisely.  Watch lots of movies.  Time is limited – use it to your advantage.  Save your money.  Sing in the shower.  Hug your father when you see him – he’ll always be your biggest fan.

You’ve always tried to do your best at everything you’ve attempted.  Be true to yourself, learn everything you can, continue to do your best and you will follow a path of success on each and every step of your life.  May your days of college enrichment enhance your life and prepare you for a life of happiness with a rewarding future.

Love,

Daddy