After my first failed attempt, I realized maybe I was being a bit too forward.  So I started paying a little more attention to the steps of online dating.  Which brings me to my next exciting experience.

Along came Blay (fake name).  Blay’s profile seemed sincere.  And we hit it off.  And things were going well via text.  He was polite, and well-travelled, and seemed relatively normal.

And then we met.

Guys.  I always plan 3 – 5 escape routes on first dates.  In hindsight, I should have used all of them.  But out of respect, I didn’t.  To be fair, he was a nice guy.  And we did get along.  If he were my uncle and I his niece.

Sidenote:  If you recall the story of me running into friends at the grocery store after a date, and them questioning why I looked so nice to buy detergent and spinach, this was that date.  Ooof.

So, with a couple of bad experiences under my belt, I decided maybe this venture wasn’t for me.  So I closed my account.  I thought.

But then I got favorited.  And learning from experience, I pulled up a picture of my new stalker.  Turns out, Boel (fake name) was a writer (Hey, me too, kinda!), and witty, and seemed normal enough.  So, we messaged.  And then texted.  And things were going great.  And he asked me to go out sometime – figured it had to go better than the last one.  And he shared with me some of his writing.  And I told him I liked his writing, particularly one or two of the pieces shared.  And then, I NEVER HEARD FROM HIM AGAIN.

*Moment for soapbox*:  Men, you’re gonna need to man up.  If something or someone offends you, just tell them.  And if you suddenly realize we’re not going to work out, just tell me.  I’m a big girl.  I can handle it.  I’ve handled much harder things in life.  Don’t be a wimp and ghost me.  Passive aggressive is not cool.  How old are we?  12?  15?  Yeeeeeesh.  *end soapbox*

To be honest, there were a few more experiences that really did me in.

“If a rhino and hippo got in a fight, who would win?” ~ incoming pick-up line.

One guy propositioned with, “Leaving the gym.  If you see flags at half-staff, it’s because I just put my shirt back on.”   Whew.  I hope you and your ego are very happy together.

One guy messaged with an entire sentence of “huh” “lol” “ummm” “beer” and “uh”.  Is this the extent of our conversations?  No, that was rhetorical.  Yes, rhetorical.  It means you don’t answer bac… nevermind.  

One guy proposed that our first date be an overnight trip to Myrtle Beach to see Snoop Dogg in concert… on a Tuesday.

One guy got ballsy enough to ask if I was home alone.  Not cool, man.  Not cool.

To be fair, many messages were from men who were well-intentioned, but just awkwardly lonely.  Others were simply looking to fulfill a need.

But the reality was that I failed to truly prepare myself for what this would be like.  For 15 years prior, I was someone’s entire world.  I was loved, adored, and cared for as well as any girl could ask for.  I was treated like a partner, like a human being, and like a valued asset in a relationship.

That cannot be found in the snap of one’s fingers.  Someone is not going to treat you the way you believe you deserve just because you believe you deserve it.  You have to earn that adoration and love.

And I failed to realize that not everyone is looking for that.  People join online dating for all kinds of reasons.  Some are looking for “the one”.  Others are simply looking for a great relationship.  A few are looking to scam others.  Many just want someone to talk to, to text throughout the day as they please, for attention.  And a number are unfortunately looking to fulfill their need for sex – physical or otherwise.

In a way, I can understand all of these reasons.  Being alone is hard.  But being lonely is even harder.  So yes, I fell prey to a lot of insincerity and/or attention-seekers.  Like…

• A CPA who mis-described himself as “social”, rather than “flirts with other girls on first date”
• A karaoke deejay “looking for a good time”
• A very enthusiastic salesman that messaged 17 times in 15 minutes
• A work-from-home clinical researcher who sent unsolicited *ahem* texts
• A lot of “Do you like to have fun?” questions
• A handful of pretty lonely “What are you wearing?” inquisitors

And a number of others who seemed to miss that first and foremost… I was a person.

A person who was already feeling pretty self-conscious about being on a dating site.  And already took much too much time determining my “body type”.  And who, above everything else, had to select “widow” from the additional drop-down menu of “why I was single”.

After let-down after let-down, I was feeling pretty down.  I felt unwanted, unattractive, and unlovable.  If you put yourself too far out there, life can do that to you.

One night, I found myself at a particularly low point.  Low enough, in fact, that I found myself crying into a load of perfectly clean laundry on the couch.  I was so engulfed in my personal pity party that I ignored the appearance of a new *wink*.

When I finally did take notice, I brushed it off.  Probably just another jerk.  Not sure I’m willing to put forth this effort anymore…

But the questions that rolled in were different.  They revolved around me as a person.  His interest seemed genuine in understanding who I was over what I was.  He was polite.  And incredibly kind.  And sensitive to my status.  In short, all the things that I wrongly assumed they all would be.

We went through all the online dating steps, in the correct order, short of the “favoriting” (still not sure when that’s appropriate to use…).  We chatted for a few weeks, getting comfortable with understanding who the other person was before committing to a date.

Our first date was intended to be “just a drink”.  But 2 1/2 hours later, after several courses of food and rounds of cocktails, after making friends with our waitress, and sharing more laughs than I do with most… I walked away no longer interested in online dating, but grateful I’d taken the leap.

Because I had met John…