I wish I loved Mother’s Day.  But for reasons I rarely discuss, it continues to be a less than joyous holiday.  Today’s not that day I discuss it either, but it is a day worth spending some time on the weights we hold as women.  The following was written on a random week day not too long ago.

Do you ever have one of those days where the weight of the world comes sweeping onto your shoulders?  Where the realness of life becomes so raw and clear, you just have to sit down to process it all?

That was today.

It started out like any other day, with me hitting the snooze button more than once.  Followed by a clumsy cup of coffee, then a second.  A few minutes with the dogs, checking of email, followed by an unnecessary amount of time debating the day’s outfit options.  And finally, after realizing I was running predictably late, I hit the road.

When I finally got home and plopped on the couch around 8:30 that evening, I took a moment to mentally take inventory of the conversations I had that day.  Of all the stories I’d come across that day, and all the friends who had blessed me with sharing a struggle or a triumph with me that day.  And as I reflected, I realized that this day was worth recording.  Because today, life was real, and raw, and maybe even a little ironic for more than a few women.

Today…

Today, a friend spent the day in the waiting room of a hospital, anticipating whether her husband’s tumor would come back malignant.  All the while, grading papers and debating how many times she should call to “check in” on her classroom.

Today, a friend very quietly, discreetly, and uneventfully got married.  And she may have had even more joy for the the post-nuptial hike than the actual nuptials.

Today, one friend sat frustrated over a post-baby “bulge”, while another tried to accept the lack thereof.  One struggled to accept a change in her post-baby body, while the other seethed a failed attempt at IVF.

Today, one friend found enough courage to finally take a mental health day.

Today, one friend worked yet another 12-hour day for a job that may not even exist in a year.

Today, one friend spent the day consoling her little girls as she explained what “grandpa’s gone” meant.

Today, a friend spent Day #1,042 hiding the real reason her marriage ended, as she continued to keep evidence and pictures and comments off of social media.  Another worked hours just to get to one more like and share, as she built her online business.

Today, one friend celebrated new debt, as it represented some long overdue answers.

Today, one friend allowed her own inner voice to speak louder than the nay-sayers from years before, while another beat herself up internally for not living up to her own expectations.

Today, one friend celebrated lifting a physical weight heavier than she had ever lifted before, while another just celebrated another day she could physically get out of bed.

All the while, going about their duties as mothers, wives, daughters, sisters, working professionals, and reasonably sane humans.

Today…

Today, I toured a community outreach program for women, helping them get back on their feet, either from homelessness, imprisonment, or both.

Today, I heard women celebrate getting their first full-time job, completing certificates, getting degrees, and paying for their first cars.

Today, I heard women ask, “Is saving $50 per month too high of a goal?”

Today, I heard a teenage girl tearfully proclaim, “My goal is to be true to myself.  To overcome what everyone else wants me to be, and be okay instead with just being who I am.”

That was all today.

Sometimes, we like to escape from our own whirlwind lives.  And sometimes we do so by peeking into the lives of others.  But rather than just look into a world that is not our own, we take it step further… we judge.  We give opinions no one asked for, and make up stories of which we have little evidence.  We take a break from our own inner battles so we can judge the struggles of others.  And sometimes, we even take a little pleasure in the perceived pain of someone else, in hopes we can hide our own.

If you’re like me, you’re a little uncomfortable right now reading and realizing the truth in this.

I’ve caught myself in this downward spiral more than once.  Hearing myself impose opinions of others which I have no right.  Hearing myself provide judgments for which I am not qualified.  Hearing myself take seemingly innocent pleasure in the “What was she thinking’s” and “Bless her heart’s”.

But today, I remembered.

I remembered that everyone fights struggles for which no one knows anything about.  Everyone has chapters they never read aloud.  Everyone has inner battles they fight daily.  And everyone is just doing the absolute best damn job they can.

We all have struggles we do not share, and triumphs we keep to ourselves.  We all have components of our lives we are willing to promote, and other components we keep with the skeletons.  In this social media world that goes above and beyond to tell us all the ways we could be doing it better, all the expectations we have not met, all the better ways to accomplish the same goal, I have to wonder… what happened to all the cheerleaders?

We’re all just doing the best we can.  So maybe, just for a day, we recognize our progress.  We recognize our humanness.  We recognize that we really don’t know how to live anyone else’s life but our own.  We leave judgement at home, and we take a handful of courage to cheer others on instead.

The world is heavy enough.  Maybe a little overdue applause can make it just a little lighter on all of us.

Today was a long day.  Tomorrow could be the same.  But tomorrow, when I see a woman with bags under her eyes, I will compliment her perseverance.  If I see a woman trip over an invisible crack in the sidewalk, I will applaud her sense of style.  If I see a woman running frantically towards a wayward toddler, I will cheer on her athleticism.  If I see a woman daunting a bright yellow mini-skirt, I will admire her confidence.  If I see a suited woman handing her children over to her nanny, I will embrace her ability to seek help.

I don’t know her story; I only know what I see.  So rather than sharing opinions and judgments no one requested, making life heavier than it already is on her shoulders, I’ll find a way to lighten the load.

We are all taking the hands we are dealt and playing the best we know how.  We are all just seeking the courage to just put our best foot forward.

So when I see a woman publicly and outrageously living her best life, I will just try to keep up.