I think I have rewritten this post seven times now.  By the time you read this, it could very well be the tenth or eleventh draft.  Because I feel the need to summarize the year, and last few years, before the clock strikes 2020.

But I know our attention spans are too short for that sort of nonsense.  So here’s the abbreviated version, starting in the middle.

I restarted.  I restarted my entire life.  The whole shabang.  New town, new home, new career, new marriage, some new clothes, new vehicle, technically new fur children – new everything.

If we are newly befriended, and you’re wondering what in the world this is all about, I’d invite you to start here.  Be aware – it is jarring, and may seem a bit… raw.  But I’m told it has softened and matured over the years.

If you’d prefer a quick synopsis of just the restart portion, I’d recommend you go here or here instead.  See the right side of the blog for an overly simple summary of why.

So here I am, in year 2 of my own personal life restart.  And I have to say: it is still surreal.  And fiercely humbling.  I am happy, and flourishing, and all the things you would hope for.  But it is a continuous reminder of how quickly life can change.

As we anxiously await the clock to strike 2020, we consider our opportunities. Many of us are sitting here pondering the inevitable: what to let go of, what to keep, what to start, and where next to leap.

Pausing on above sentence.  I made a rhymey rhyme.  I think I need a Baby Yoda meme here…

For those considering a restart of any kind – career, relationship, relocation, sex change, whatever – there’s some things you should know.  I can only specifically speak to a few of these, but I think the themes will hold true no matter the situation.

1.)  You cannot restart until you let go.

For each of us, we begin our lives with a picture in our heads of what our life will be like.  And that picture becomes more clear and defined as we get closer to adulthood.  But when you restart, it’s because something in that initial picture changed.  And the initial picture can no longer be the reality you’re striving for.  Accepting this simple fact is a game changer.  When you don’t accept it, it’s like cement – it locks you in to where you are, and nothing in your life really changes.  When you are ready to change, and ready to restart, the first step must be to let go of that initial picture.

2.)  Restarting takes more faith in yourself than anyone else.

You will not do this on your own.  But your progress and persistence and self-talk will be solely on you.  No man is an island unto himself, of course.  And there will be times you have to depend on others.  But at the end of the day, whether or not you do make it in your new life will be on you.  Things change, people change, and circumstances change.  No matter who else you may depend upon to make your new life work, things could absolutely change.  You have to be ready to adapt – even to your own changes – and be responsible for it on your own.  And you must have more faith in your own ability to survive and thrive than you have in anyone else.  

3.)  At some point, regret will try to sneak in.

How could it not?  You will be leaving the known for the unknown.  And you will stumble over and over again.  Because you have entered a world that you do not know nearly as much as the one you knew before.  You don’t know who to call, how to get where you want to go, what to expect, the right tools to use when, etc.  Everything will be unfamiliar and new for a period of time.  And at some point, you will inevitably wish you could go back to what was known, familiar, and comfortable.  What you do with that regret is up to you.  Just know that the feeling is normal.

4.)  Restarting is indescribably difficult.

That may seem like an exaggeration.  But I cannot put into words how difficult the act of restarting is.  Just look back at #2.  It takes serious grit, courage, gumption, self-confidence, and sometimes a little insanity to restart one’s life.  Because you are choosing a tougher path.  An unfamiliar, unmarked, uncomfortable path.  And the trouble is not the initial choice to take the leap.  It’s that once you take the leap, you have to make the choice every single day to keep on the path.  Even when you’ve been knocked down, even when going back seems so much easier.  Every day, you have to keep making the choice to go the tougher route.  It is not a one-time decision that allows you to just coast through it after: you have to decide it every time you wake up.

5.)  If you choose to restart for the right reasons, it is worth it.

I cannot tell you what the right reasons are for you.  I can only emphasize that the right reasons don’t lose their zest and appeal after a few months.  The right reasons will be sticky enough that they still motivate you 3 days, 3 months, 3 years, and 3 decades down the road.  If done for short term benefits, you will quickly find your pursuit was not worth the trouble after all.  There are countless ways to do this, from listing out your why’s, to pitting them against every barrier you could possibly face.  But at the end of the day, your reasons to keep at it have to be more resilient than the reasons of why you should not.

6.)  No one can tell you how to restart your own life.

Read that again.   I don’t know why or when you will find the need to restart.  Maybe it’s tomorrow, or in 5 years, or maybe it has already happened.  But I can tell you this for sure: no one can tell you how to perfectly do it right.  EVERYONE has an opinion, and well intentioned folks will share their unsolicited advice at the drop of a rumor.  But friend, these are your shoes and your shoes alone, and the path you take is a personal choice for each of us.   Be okay with that sooner, rather than later.

The decision to restart is a big one.  Heck, making any change can be.  So it’s understandable if you are debating, analyzing, and even agonizing over what to do with this new approaching decade.

The good news is that you don’t have to change anything at all.  It’s okay to just be yourself for a while longer too.  The good ones will still love you.

But for those considering a leap, it’s always helpful to know ahead of time what one may be getting themselves into.

Just like this blog post, your life could have many drafts.  It could be one continuous story, or it could have multiple rewrites.  Just remember: you are the writer and the owner of your story.  You pick the draft of your life that you want to live, and go write it.

Love & Hugs.