In my neighborhood there is a lake.  Beautiful all seasons of the year, it is particularly breathtaking in the spring.  It’s a wonderful treat this time of year to take the mile-long downhill stroll to the lake and clubhouse. To sit and listen to the waterfall/dam, watch the herons, and soak in the medicinal bliss of nature’s beauty.

I often avoid the walk, if I’m honest.  It’s not the walk down to the lake that is off-putting.  Rather, it’s the longer and more strenuous walk back up the hill to my house. It may only be a leisurely 20 minute mile stroll downhill.  But the walk back up tends to be quite a bit longer – and quite a bit more painful.

I find this to be much like the reality we all face today.  The path for everyone to “hunker down” has been shockingly swift.  Although not nearly as enjoyable as a leisurely spring stroll, it has occurred rather quickly, in less time than a full pollen season.  At this point, many of us hope that the path forward can be just as quick. But I imagine that we will find it to be like most uphill battles – longer and a bit more strenuous than anticipated.

I am not in a place to predict how long, or when, or by what means – I will eagerly leave that to experts and professionals with extensive expertise in such matters.  I will rather focus my time on the things within my realm of control, and within my world of experience. And that, my friends, is survival and perseverance.

I am no stranger to uncertainty and personal battles, and I’m not just talking about widowhood.  I have had a fair share of feeling like someone else is holding the reins to my own life.  And I know firsthand that in those moments, fear and helplessness can overtake us in overwhelming amounts.

When faced with these emotions, some of us grumble, growl, grumpily curse, and maybe even give up.  But if we’re going to make it back up the hill and onto the other side, it’s going to take a different kind of “grrrr”.

When faced with challenges, set-backs, or personal battles, I find I need a different set of tools in my tool belt.  These particular tools help me focus my attention on what I can control, and help me keep moving forward, even if one single baby step at a time.

Grit, Gratitude, & Grace

Grit

There’s been an abundance of research on grit in the last decade, thanks particularly to Angela Duckworth.  But here is the gist:  grit is the courage and determination we bring to the table every day.  Now, before any of you followers and friends get your undies in a twist, hear this: we are all in the same storm, but not all in the same boat.  It may take the exact same amount grit for one to run 5 miles a day as it does for another to simply get dressed.  It may take as much grit for one person to speak up as it does for another to stay quiet.  For me, sometimes I show the most grit when I delegate tasks to someone else.  Like many, I am not a fan of asking for help.  But I also recognize that sometimes, asking for help is my only path forward.

We are not all in the same boat.  We each know the goals that are of highest priority for each of us right now, and what must be done to meet those goals.  We cannot peek into another’s lane to see how exactly others are showing their own courage and determination, then apply it to our own lives.  Grit is personal for each of us.  But it is how we will keep one foot in front of the other.

Gratitude

Some of you are already visibly agitated at the thought of gratitude during this time of immeasurable life stress.  Please know: no one is insinuating that the trauma of these days and weeks is not present.  But if you find your mind only fearing for the future, only seeing the setbacks, and are easily angered by those “being positive”, this one might be for you.  Maybe.

Start by thinking of one thing that is happening, and think of how it could be even worse.  Risky, I know, but let’s try.  Now, for just a moment, be thankful that it’s not worse. You said so yourself – this is how it could be worse.  But you also noted that it’s not.  That’s a reason to be thankful.  Now, look inside your house.  What is NOT amiss?  Give thanks for that, no matter how small.  In what moment was someone helpful when maybe they did not have to be?  Give a word of thanks for that person, and that moment.  What parts of your life do you not have to worry about at this moment?  Is your power on?  Is there at least a meal or two in the pantry?  Are your cars in need of maintenance?  Are you healthy?  Do this once or twice a day, and you will find, bit-by-bit, that a focus on gratitude eases the worries a bit.  No “but’s”.  Just try it.  Once.  Find one tiny, tiny thing.  Then one more.

Grace

Often the most difficult, I often find myself needing to start with grace first.  In recent decades, our culture has evolved to lead us to believe we should accomplish everything.  Even when no one else knows, even when it’s not necessary to our own life path, even when it’s not mentally, emotionally, spiritually,  or physically healthy.  Friends and followers: it is high time we set lower expectations.  The world has quite literally slowed down.  Maybe our lives and expectations should follow suit.  Wash your hands, pay the bills you can, don’t kill anyone, then call it a successful day.  Everything beyond that can be called a win.  It is okay to take a breather.  It is okay to give yourself and others some room.  It is okay to give every human on Earth right now some much needed grace.

And y’all: this includes yourself.  You hear me back there, over-achiever?  There will not be a trophy for the family who survived 2020 the best.  There will not be anyone celebrating the fact that you completed more of your personal goals than anyone else in town.  In fact, you may find the opposite happen.  So take a step back, and look at what the absolute daily necessities of living are.  Focus on that, and take a break from some of the rest.  This is not going to be a sprint, my high-achieving friends.  This will be a marathon.  And a marathon is about the incremental wins of survival.  Not who made it up the hill the fastest but passed out from loss of breath.

Give yourself grace, and celebrate the small wins.  When you look back at all of your accomplishments, you may find the small wins were your proudest moments.

So there it is: my three “grrr’s, and secret weapons in survival and perseverance.  I track them daily, in a little journal I started at the beginning of March:

• 1 moment of grit (or way that I grew)
• 2 moments of grace (wins)
• 3 things I’m grateful for

Every. Single. Day.  Maybe you need to put different numbers for each of your’s.

In a way, it is my personal journal of survival.  But more importantly, it’s how I find perspective in a world where that’s easily lost.  Because when I get to the top of this uphill battle, I want to look back at more than just the lake; I want to know I came out with a deeper love for the journey.

Love & Hugs,

Katie