I bet I have 20+ blog posts drafted, just collecting digital dust in my draft pile. Most are no more than a paragraph or two. And some are more a stream of thought than a coherent flow of words. Because like just about everyone else, these last two years have been… yeah.

My life had a bit of shift recently. And as loyal followers, you know best that when my life shifts, I write. To date, writing is my most effective therapy. A part of me even hopes that reading is a form of therapy for a few as well. But that is a secondary benefit, and not always why the words hit paper.

This story is one I’ve known I needed to write for a long time. Truth be told, if I were to write a book, it would likely begin here. Not at the loss of Chris. Not with all the sage advice I manage to muster. But here… with what follows in the next posts. But in the past, I could not work up the courage. Or the gumption. Or silence the crippling fear of putting this out there into the world. Maybe because it wasn’t my story to tell. Or maybe because… it’s the part I hold closest to my heart. The inner most part of my onion. The part I let no one in on. Ever.

We all have chapters we don’t read out loud. Which could very well be part of the problem. If we really dig in, and analyze, and discuss all the things we’re silent about, we may find that the silence is the root cause of the chaos. The not facing the problem is the deciding factor in how bad the problem eventually gets.

I guess that’s what brings me here now. To finally work up the courage to write the story I’ve needed to write for so long. As you read, I must ask for grace. Grace for not writing it sooner. Grace for giving it the most honesty and integrity I know how at the time. Grace for knowing that, in the balance between courage and dread, the scales have just now tipped towards courage – and that waivers depending on the moment, and the wind.

So I ask for encouragement. I ask for support. I ask for grace. To lift the weight of silence and share this story aloud. To my wonderful community of followers.

Because in this world, there are others who need to know they are not alone in their struggles. And that if the silence is heavy, it can become lighter with a little time, and the courage to say the words.

Bare with me on this journey. May it bring some peace to us all.