It still feels like a punch to the gut.  Because Chris was one of the good ones.  And if we lost one of the good ones, that means any of us could go.  So we’re all now sitting here, questioning our mortality.  Thinking about life, and death, and legacies, and the reality of it all.  Because now it’s a little more real.

And some of you are reflecting on Chris’ life, thinking, “Wow!  He lived such an amazing life in just 34 years.  He made such an impact.”  And others of you – because you’ve told me – have commented how at peace I am.  Which brings up the bigger questions.  The questions that no one wants to ask:

“What did he do to prepare?  What happened that she is so at peace right now?”

It’s normal for things like this to get us thinking about our mortality.  Particularly men:  the protectors, the providers, the adultier adults (sometimes).  So you reflect on your own life, as you observe mine, and ask yourself new questions.  “Have I prepared enough?  Have I done everything I should?  Have I lived?”

I can’t answer those questions for you.  But I can give you a perspective as the wife of Chris Wall.  But be aware:

• I am biased.  I was lucky enough to be loved and adored by a truly incredible man for 15 years.  The following is based on the love and respect he showed me in our relationship and marriage.
• Some may be more relevant to one gender over another.  Apply as appropriate, based on your role.  I can only speak from my perspective in my role as a wife.
• If some of the items below ruffle your feathers, that is your issue, not mine.

 

Life:  The Chris Wall Way

1.)  Never settle for a job that doesn’t meet your family’s needs.

2.)  Never be afraid to take a chance on an honest opportunity.

 

3.)  When you make life plans as a couple from the beginning, stick to those plans.  Set goals, until every piece of that vision is complete.  If you said you’d make her dreams come true, don’t just hope they come true while she’s asleep and dreaming.

 

4.)  Commit to the woman you love.  Put a ring on it.  Don’t be the guy that strings along a girlfriend because “we don’t need to get married”.  Be man enough to put on the manliest piece of jewelry a man can wear.

5.)  Before you ask her to marry you, first ask her dad for permission.

 

6.)  Make a will.  Now.  Go to an attorney.  Create it.  With her.  Now.  Not “next year”, not “when we have time”, not “when life calms down”.  Now.  The crazier life is, the more you need a will for when life unexpectedly gets worse.

 

7.)  Get life insurance.  Right now.  Your age has nothing to do with when you need to get life insurance.  Get at least enough life insurance to cover twice the debt you have.  And keep in mind anyone who might depend on your income in the future.  Because the loss of you will be hard enough.  Don’t make money another burden that adds to the grief.

Disclaimer:  The formula recommended by an actual financial planner for a man and woman is one year of income divided by 0.06.  So if you make $100,000, this will equate to needing $1.6 million in life insurance for your dependent.  If you have children, you need to up that number.  A lot.

8.)  If you’re drawn to Christ, make the commitment to Christ.  And then share your testimony with others, passionately, every time you get the chance.  Not on social media.  But through actual relationships with others.

 

9.)  Make it a priority to set goals as a family.  Then discuss your goals and your progress yearly, monthly, even weekly.  Share your personal goals with your wife.  Keep each other accountable.

 

10.)  Use your wife as your #1 advisor.  Before you make big decisions or big purchases, consult with her first.  Treat her like an equal partner, like the one that has to share equally in the consequences of your decisions.  Because she does.  And her opinion matters.

11.)  Take the time to use correct grammar and spelling.  Even when you text.  It’s a turn-on.  Trust me.

 

12.)  Speak positively about your wife to your friends, neighbors, co-workers, buddies, family, and anyone you meet.  Compliment her when she’s not around.  Don’t let needless insults sneak in.  Your issues with her are for the two of you to discuss, not a topic of conversation with your buddies.  Always, every time, stick to the good stuff.

13.)  If you expect something of your wife, model it first.  Don’t expect a behavior from her that you wouldn’t do yourself.

 

14.)  Treat everyone as if they were your own grandmother.  In fact, make it your business mantra that if you “wouldn’t do it for your grandmother, mother, or wife, you won’t do it”.

 

15.)  Pray together.  If no one else volunteers or wants to, volunteer yourself to lead the family in prayer.  Every meal and every time prayer is needed.

 

16.)  Forgive.  When others hurt you, don’t listen to your advice, or offend you, forgive them.  Move on, let it be water under the bridge, without holding a grudge.  Be the bigger man and love them just the same.

 

17.)  Call your parents.  Visit your family.  Don’t find an excuse to get off the phone when they call.  Talk to them, and listen.  You might not agree with everything they say, and that’s okay.  Just be there anyway.  Show them you love them.

 

18.)  Whatever you’re passionate about, make that your career.  If you can’t, at least dedicate time to it.  Don’t let your passions be a dream, a wish, or a regret you never tackled.

 

19.)  Whatever you’re in charge of in your household, get organized with it.  Make it so organized that if you were gone tomorrow, your wife could pick up where you left off, with few to no questions.  If it’s lawn care, have a schedule, or ask her to join you one day to tackle it.  If it’s the household finances, keep the monthly bills, usernames/passwords for accounts, long term plans, etc. in a spreadsheet that’s easy to find.  If it’s household maintenance, have a list of contact people that you trust on-hand that is discussed and easily found.  Or go ahead and have her add them as contacts in her phone.

 

20.)  Treat her like an equal.  If there’s something you want to protect her from, do so without withholding the information she needs to know to deal with it herself, just in case.

 

21.)  As soon as you realize you have a problem with your temper, fix it.  Figure out how to control it.  Don’t allow there to be “that one time things went too far”.

 

22.)  Tell your wife she’s beautiful.  Every time you think it.

 

23.)  Tell your wife you love her.  Every day.

 

24.)  Make plans for your anniversaries.  And if you’re afraid Plan A could fall through, make a Plan B.  Just in case.  Don’t leave her with disappointment because you didn’t plan ahead.

 

25.)  Learn your wife’s love language.

 

26.)  Just once, ask your wife to meet you at a car dealership.  Point to a line of shiny new cars and say, “Pick one.”

 

27.)  Take your wife to the mall for her birthday one year.  Patiently persist through 3 hours of shopping, just to ensure she gets the exact designer purse she wants.  And never once comment about the ridiculous price.

 

28.)  Don’t be afraid to not watch what everyone else is watching.  Yes, zombies, dragons, and female prisoners are entertaining, but do they enrich you?  Be okay with protecting what goes into your mind, and watching shows a little more intelligent and a little less raunchy.  Better yet, read a book instead.

 

29.)  Read books that enrich you, that teach you.  Read about leadership, marriage principles, positive thinking, how-to guides, whatever.  But read for the purpose of building your mind.

 

30.)  Surround yourself with people you look up to and respect.  Find mentors and friends that you can learn from.  If your friends bring you down, get you in trouble, or are on a different life path, don’t be afraid to loosen the friendship tie.

 

31.)  Teach and share your knowledge with others.  Knowledge is power, but not if you keep it all to yourself.  Teach others to fish, and then teach them to love fishing.

 

32.)  Don’t be afraid to love others.  But more importantly, don’t be afraid to ensure they feel loved.  It’s easy to send a card just to be able to say, “Hey, I reached out.  I did my part.”  Take the bigger step – the braver step – and actually love them enough that they feel loved.  As Carl W. Buehner first said, people may not remember everything you did, but they will remember how you made them feel.

 

33.)  Be the friend, the husband, the brother, and the son that you would want to have.

 

34.)  Rush home to your wife and family, every day.  It’s okay to choose a night at home with family over everything else.  It’s even okay to make that choice every night.

 

I am not a man, a husband, a brother, a dad, an uncle, a nephew, or a son.  But I was a wife, his best friend, and the love of his life.  And I was his equal.

So from my perspective, the list above provides a glimpse of how he faced every day, how he saw the world, and how he walked this earth as a man.  Take from it what you will.  And know that every bit you take from it means another incredible human being will walk this earth.  And the legacy Chris never even knew he left will live on.