I knew the day after Chris died that I needed to be a part of his eulogy.  I was one of five that spoke, including his mother, two of his friends, and his mentor.  But a while back, Chris shared the video below, so impressed with a man that could do this for his wife.  So I knew, of every honor I could provide, the greatest honor I could pay him was to speak as well.

Monty Williams’ Eulogy to His Wife

Within the first few days after he died, I had a draft of his eulogy written.  The words just came.  I don’t know where they came from, but they came.  There were edits, and re-writes.  But the meat was there.  The whole time.

I have no idea how I had the strength to walk up there.  Nor do I know how I made it all the way through.  I told those that attended that it had to be the power of their prayers.  I speak in front of people all the time, and tirelessly work on being an engaging and passionate presenter.  But nothing prepared me for this.  I just did it.

The words that follow are the words I had on paper.  To be fair, I did go off-script a bit.  But just a little.  For the most part, this is what was shared.  What so many continue to comment on.  And the words God and Chris just laid on me to say.

I am not happy that this was my path.  I don’t look back on that day with pride.  But by a power greater than me, I did it.  I was carried through it.  And it will forever be the greatest honor that I could honor him in this way, and was granted the strength to do it.

A Wife’s Eulogy for Chris Wall

I don’t know about you guys, but I feel like I’m living in a nightmare that I can’t wake up from.  But there’s a key word in there that Chris would want me to emphasize:  living.  And in some ways, I think Chris was a better teacher than me.  To him, every moment was a teachable moment, no matter who the student was.  I may have been teacher of the year, but Chris was a teacher of life.  So, let me share several lessons I learned from Chris’ too-short 34 years and his infinite wisdom.  Take from it what you will, but I think this is what Chris would want me to share.  Because he would want us all to continue living, learning, and growing.

Lesson 1:  Build the life that you want.

When we met in 2001, we realized we were done looking.  We didn’t mean to be, but we were.  Because we had this shared vision of what our lives should be like.  From there, Chris worked to make that vision a reality.

• He persevered to graduate from college, although it took him 7 years, but he worked full time for many of those 7 years.
• He knew nothing about finance or money, but by chance he took a class on personal finance, and fell in love.  From that moment forward, he pursued his newfound passion.  He read book after book about how money worked here on Earth, about managing money, the stock market, visionary investors, and what God says about money and money management.  And he used that as his cornerstone for his career.
• He never settled in careers that didn’t meet his vision.  For him it was about doing what you love and doing what makes a difference.   As 2 Corinthians 8:21 says, “For we are taking pains to do what is right, not only in the eyes of the Lord but also in the eyes of man”.  
• And after years of jobs with glass ceilings and false hope, he was offered his own Edward Jones office in Knightdale.  I remember when he got the call, I just yelled, “YES!”, because someone else finally saw what I saw in my husband.  A man with drive, compassion, vision, and honor.
• We always wanted to travel, and so he worked to make that a reality for us.  Over the past 10 years we’ve visited 15 countries on 4 different continents.  We lived for adventure.  We saw more wonders and cultures than either of us ever dreamed.  And he made that happen for us.  
• He had a vision of creating a home for us that could serve as a sanctuary, but would also have room to welcome friends and family.  It is the picture of what he always wanted.  Including the small details, like creating a home library and home theater.
• He believed his most valuable resource was his mind, so he worked to control what went into it.  He surrounded himself with people he could learn from, that uplifted, and gave wise counsel.  He found life mentors, we joined Bible Study groups, we joined men’s and women’s groups, and he clung to friends that were wiser than him.  So he could always learn, grow, and control what went into his mind.  If you were lucky enough to call him a friend, know that he didn’t make that decision lightly.  As Phillippians 4:8 says, “…whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.”
• He spent his time, if not just hanging out with me, reading, avidly.  In 2015 alone, he read 34 books: over 12,000 pages.  And each focused on an area of growth:  personal, spiritual, financial, professional.  Even books for enjoyment were classics, that enriched his knowledge of the world.
• Every decision was measured.  If it didn’t fit into the larger goals and visions, he didn’t do it.  To him, every decision mattered.  Whether it be who to hang out with on a Friday night, to which charity to donate to, to which book to read next, to where we would go on our next travel adventure.  Every decision he made was made with purpose, and after extensive research and analysis.  As Proverbs 4:25-26 says, “Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you.  Give careful thought to the paths of your feet and be steadfast in all of your ways.”
• And above all else, he had a vision of having the means to provide for others.  Whether that meant with money, time, service…he wanted to be able to provide for his loved ones, friends, and sometimes even strangers, with whatever they needed.  And he did.  As Proverbs 11:24 – 25 says, “One gives freely, yet grows all the richer…Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered.”

Lesson 2:  Cheer for the under-achiever.

This goes without saying for any State fan.  But Chris was a devout fan of underdogs.  He preferred to cheer for teams that worked their way up, that persevered, that showcased the power of one’s will and hard work.  Some of his favorite movies were stories of an underdog:  “Rudy”, “We Are Marshall”, “The Replacements”, “The Natural”.  It wasn’t just about sports; it was about the fulfillment of the work behind it for someone not expected to succeed.  Because he identified with the characters, as, surprisingly, Chris was not necessarily popular in school, or never felt like part of the “in” crowd growing up.  And I too learned that the feeling of a win for an underdog is so much more fulfilling than any other type of win.  And I learned to always be his biggest cheerleader, and any other underdog…including the Wolfpack.

Lesson 3:  Love others, and be sure they feel loved.

I’m not sure I’ve ever met a man who had as much heart and compassion for others as Chris.  I remember going on a date with him early in our relationship, and as we pulled up to a drive-thru (because we’re classy), a man walked up to his driver-side window, and asked for money.  At the time, Chris used one of his cup holders as a coin holder, and that was typically the only cash he had on him.  So without pause, he dug every coin out of his cup holder and just handed it over.  

Chris made sure that however you felt appreciated, that’s how he showed his appreciation.   That’s why we spent so many a night just sitting on the couch, or on the porch, just reading, watching a movie, or just being together.  Love to us meant quality time together.

So love others, but more importantly, make sure they feel loved.  This is probably the toughest lesson for me.  But it was one I was able to experience for 10 years of marriage with him, and I’m so thankful God blessed me with a man that adored me and made me feel loved.

There is nothing I want more than for Chris to be back here.  I think I’m most sorry that he will never become the grumpy old man he always dreamed of being.  And I would pay to hear him give each you another pep talk.  Chris would never want me to say this, but if he were here, he would be in tears too, just to hear all the wonderful things people have said about him.  And he’s heard them, he’s listening.  And if you ever need advice, just ask him. I know I’ll still talk to him.  And you’ll know which voice is his.   Whatever is right, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is loving, that’s Chris, continuing to help guide our pathways and decisions, being a voice of reason in a world of chaos.

All we have is to take those lessons that his life taught so well, and lead our own lives walking by his lead, letting his wisdom guide us.  Think of any advice he ever gave you, and use it for the rest of your life.  Because that’s all he ever really wanted.  And that’s what would honor Chris.

I don’t know what tomorrow brings for me.  But I do know I will walk by Chris’ example, learn from his lead, and let God work out the details, until I see him again.