I love a good mantra.  When I come across particularly poignant phrases, I have a tendency to store them in my phone.  For those days when I need a little extra motivation.

This one struck me recently, and has been stuck in my head ever since:

Do It Anyway

Along with MANY other things, it strikes me regarding love these days.  Because we all have reasons to fear falling down that path.  Heartbreak, disappointment, loss, pain… there’s so many reasons we could each name to rationalize that it’s not worth it.

And yet, even after seeing the dark sides of love – the pain, the humiliations, and the disappointments – so many of us still have hope.  We hope that even though our experiences tell us how heart-breaking it can be, we have hope that we’ll find a renewed love story somewhere around the corner.

So we take chances.  We choose to take risks.  And we choose hope.  And love.

We say yes.  And we do it anyway.

Even when the life in front of us isn’t panning out to be the one we always pictured in our heads before, and our movie isn’t playing out the way we planned.  We live the life we have anyway.

And with a brave hope in our heart and a lump in throats, we say yes to putting ourselves back out there.  To meeting new people.  To dinner, and dates, and, “Please tell me I have a mint somewhere in this purse…”  Scared, and nervous, and unsure of ourselves, we say yes to the risk, and we do it anyway.

I’ve caught myself doing that a lot…

I said yes when a man came along, even though he was nothing like the picture in my head.  Who didn’t go to NC State, didn’t tower over me in height, and claimed a place of birth north of the Mason-Dixon line.  I went out with him anyway.

I had doubts about letting someone new befriend me on Facebook and have access to my most fragile arena: my blog.  I did it anyway.

At first, I was taken aback when that man showed up at the beach one day, just to tell me he’d read my entire blog in one night, and was so riveted that he wanted to tell me in person, “I want to step up and walk with you through this.”  But I said yes, and let him walk with me anyway.

There are full days when I feel nothing but pure joy.  I laugh until my sides hurt again.  And when I feel the weight of “guilt clouds” rolling in, I keep laughing anyway.

When he said, “I know I’m not your first choice.  If you had the choice, you’d go back to your old life,” I had to admit he was a little bit right.  I loved him anyway.

Every day, I fear there is a misunderstanding in how the heart works.  In that no one ever gets replaced, but rather the heart just keeps growing large enough to love even more.  I keep letting it grow and love anyway.

I said yes to opening myself up to the world.  To letting down my defensive guard of sass and sarcasm, and revealing the more intimate details of my emotions, my adventures, my challenges, and my triumphs.  It can be unnerving at times.  But I do it anyway.

I sometimes let the guilt in of taking care of myself first, and saying “no” to things every now and again.  I choose my health anyway.

I feel odd letting someone else cook.  And clean.  And care more about my well-being than their own.  I let him anyway.

I said yes to seeing people through new eyes, and putting on a lens of love over judgement.  And even as I wonder if the same grace has been granted to me, I work to love them anyway.

I feared the pain of moving would break me into a million shattered pieces.  Wondered for weeks if it was the right time, town, house, etc.  I moved anyway.

When I once again struggled on that dreadful April calendar date, John walked in the door with two unexpected Bo’ boxes, and proposed we have the “Chris Wall Memorial Luncheon”.  I could not understand how someone could love me this much and honor Chris at the same time.  I let him do both anyway.

I have creeping fears that it will happen again – that I will face loss again.  Statistically, the fear is justified; women do tend to outlive the men.  And yet, I choose to take the risk.  Because I think some things are worth the risk.  And I choose to love again anyway.

And on a recent weekend getaway,

while at the tippy top balcony of Biltmore Estate,

in the pouring rain, 

when John got down on one knee, and asked a crazy question,

I knew “yes” would be an even crazier answer.

I did it anyway.

Like anyone who’s had their heart broken, I’m still a little scarred from the pain I’ve worked so hard to heal.  But I can’t let it be about the fear.  I can’t let it stop me from the opportunity for joy, and for growth, and for love.  Fear, doubts, and risks will always be there.  But the opportunities will not.  I’m not still here so I can tread lightly, tiptoeing around every challenge, nor build a wall to shield me from falling again.  I’m here so I can choose life.

I’m here to live big, to love fierce, and to feel every moment wide open.  I’m here so I can come sliding into my last days saying, “Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, JC!  Sorry I’m late.  I know I have a lot of explaining to do.  But that was one helluva ride!”

I won’t always have the courage.  But if I always wait for the courage to come, I’ll miss out on a lot of life.

Sometimes, the courage won’t come, and we’ll have to take the leap scared.

Do it anyway.